When you are in a position where your work requires you to sell, specifically ‘unsolicited’ sales it requires that you put yourself out there and be vulnerable to rejection on an ongoing basis. For the number of times a sales person attempts connection, rejection is returned 10 or often 100 fold.
When you are dealing with a sales person, you may find it annoying when they call too often. Part of the reason they do that is, the obvious, it’s their job. The other part, I believe for many, is to calm the anxiety of the unknown.
Think of it this way: Imagine you just met someone you really like and you gave them your number. Now imagine five days have passed and they have not called. As each day passes you become more uncertain as to whether or not they are interested. By day five you want them to just call and either ask you out or just tell you they aren’t interested so you can move on. After about two weeks the lack of response is indicative of disinterest, but you wish they could have just let you know rather than have led you on and created unnecessary anxiety.
Not getting back to a salesperson creates anxiety. When people are anxious they often over think things and assume the worst. To calm their anxiety they’ll keep calling so you can make them feel better by letting them know what’s going on or where you are at. More often than not you aren’t calling them back because you have other things on the go, you’re busy; it has absolutely NOTHING to do with them. It’s hard as a person who has put themselves out there to remember that.
This stretches in all aspects of our daily lives. I feel it’s important for a person to exercise their vulnerability and find ways to adjust to a lack of response. To train yourself to perceive another person’s indifference or unresponsiveness as their issue and to understand that it has nothing to do with you. Learn to not build walls and assume the worst. Rather, accept that everyone has things going that are beyond you. Assume that is the situation and move on to what you can control – your perceptions and your reactions.
A great exercise in vulnerability is to say hello or smile and make eye contact with a stranger. Engage other people in the elevator. Say hello to the person behind you in the Starbucks line. Specifically engage those you perceive as different from you.
It’s easy enough to smile at a child, engage a fellow parent or say hello to a fellow jogger on the trail, because you will more often than not naturally feel a connection. However, it’s more difficult to say hello to the handsome man or attractive woman without a wedding ring behind you at the check out.
Try it. Set a goal for yourself that you will keep your head up when you walk, and you will say hello to 10 strangers a day and not be concerned about whether or not they say hello back. Every day try more and more people. Enjoy the reward when the person responds and work to shake off the times when they don’t.
A simple hello and a smile from you could actually CHANGE a person’s mood. By connecting to them, you could help them feel noticed or validated. So many people in our society suffer from depression and dissociative disorders that are often coupled with feelings of being misunderstood, disliked or alone. One smile or one hello can make a person’s day; can encourage them to look up and say hello to another stranger. One surprised hello and smile back can improve your mood and make you eager to try it again.
Try it. Spread the virus. It will help you on so many levels in your personal life as well as professional life.
If someone hits on you in the process because they misread your friendliness don’t be surprised, or irritated by it, simply thank them for the compliment and that you apologize if your friendliness was mistaken for something else and wish them a nice day. Getting hit on, is not the worst thing that can happen to you and neither is unresponsiveness.
I’ll bet half the people who were unresponsive spent 10 seconds or longer feeling guilty for ignoring you.
Enjoy this bonus leap day and engage a stranger!
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